Can't be Saved
by Flyleaf799
Summary: Natsuki wakes from a coma to find that she is 35, with a husband and 2 children. Doctors tell her that her former life was a delusion brought on by the coma. Mai, Mikoto...Shizuru. They couldnt have been dreams... Could they? Slightly AU, Shiznats
1. Intro

**Ok, I HAD to get this out. The idea for this fic has been bugging me for weeks. Now the whole premise here is that Natsuki wakes up from a coma and everyone tells her that her past life (her HiME life) was a delusion brought on by said coma. Don't freak out on me yet, it's Shiznat. They meet up in this reality to. This is just the intro; longer chapters are coming up soon.**

**One last thing, my usual beta/co-author/hoe DubhRi hasn't come up for a visit in a while so I probably messed this up pretty bad! Just a warning...**

**Aww I'm useless with out that boy :) **

**Haha**

_

* * *

Where am I?_

"God! She's waking up!"

_What? Waking up?_

"Ryuu! Maya! Get in here!"

_Who…are they?_

Emerald eyes opened slowly, Natsuki was drowning in confusion. Immense, white light immediately consumed her vision. It felt as though she had been blinded and was taking her first steps towards re-obtaining precious sight. Grey blurs rushed around her, each accompanied with unfamiliar voices. Voices filled with excitement, joy, and fearful disbelief. Natsuki sat up, leaning on her shoulders for support, and surveyed her surroundings. Two young children, who appeared to be about eight or nine respectively, knelt at Natsuki's bedside. The elder looking was a boy with midnight sapphire tresses and matching ocean eyes. The small girl at his left gazed up at Natsuki with deep, emerald green eyes. Before she had the chance to speak and demand to know what in the hell was going on, a tall, muscular man leapt at Natsuki. He held her tightly against his chest. Natsuki was much to shocked to move. Her eyes widened and she began to twitch ferociously.

"Oh thank god! I-I had started to loose hope…But your awake!" The man stuttered, his body trembling.

"Who-Who the hell are you?!" Natsuki roared, regaining her composer and shoving the now crying man off of her, "And why are you acting like you know me?!"

The room grew eerily silent at Natsuki's harsh words. A doctor stood beside the wide door frame, heaving a heavy sigh. It was at that moment Natsuki realized she was lying in the cold, uncomfortable bed of a hospital. But she had absolutely no memory as to how she managed to become hospitalized. _Did my bike crash? Maybe, well it's still strange, but perhaps these people found me? No, there's no way some random man would be bawling and hugging me if that were the case._

"Natsuki Tanaka-san, do you have any recollection as to how you arrived here and why?" The doctor asked sadly. When Natsuki shook her head he let out another sigh and stared down at the children. "Do you have any idea who these people are?" he questioned. Natsuki grit her teeth angrily, she was done with all of this idiotic bullshit. "No! I don't know who these people are, I don't know how I fucking got here, and I'd also like to know why the hell you're calling me 'Tanaka-san'! It's Kuga!" Natsuki swung out of the bed and stomped towards the man in white. She stood close to his face, shoving her index finger into his gut.

"Then it's just as I suspected," He began, ignoring the fury in Natsuki's tone, "Amnesia."

The word itself stung Natsuki and she stumbled backward. The man who had been crying earlier let out a strangled sob. "A-Amnesia?" She can't remember us?" he whispered in grief. Natsuki possessed a look of pure horror as she whirled around, only to find a tall mirror and her reflection staring back at her. What she saw though caused her heart to stop mid-beat. The Natsuki she saw couldn't have possibly been her! There was no way! For the woman in the mirror was, _older_. Much older. She appeared to be at least 30 or 40. Her reflection was much more defined with longer sapphire hair, and matured figure. Though she was as slim as ever, Natsuki had lost a lot of her muscle mass.

_This…is…a…dream. It has to be! _

"Natsuki, you may not remember them, but, this is your family." The white coat's voice was barely registered by her, "You have been in a coma for several months." The man, tears still fresh in his eyes, returned to Natsuki's side. "Yes Natsuki-chan, I- I'm your husband, and these," He pointed to the boy and girl, "Are your children, Ryuu and Maya."

_No. This can't be happening._

Natsuki froze and fell to the floor, her mouth hanging open in bewilderment. Ryuu stepped forward, kneeling down to place a hand on his mother's shoulder. Maya fled to her father's embrace, bawling onto his chest. "Oh mom…" the boy muttered softly. Natsuki fell forward, loosing consciousness as she hit the linoleum floor. As all sound, light, and feeling fled her; one name flared brightly in her mind.

_Shizuru._

**

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A/N: Yep that's the intro. Reviews make me REALLY happy! It'll be like a Christmas present! Haha. Hmm, Im dumb. Anyways to those of you that read 'Adrenaline' I know its been FAR to long since we posted a new chapter. But I'm not dropping it! DubhRi is coming down this week and we are going to get to work on it! I promise :) **

**Well happy holidays everyone!**


	2. Im still here?

**Ohhh babyyy its chapter two :)**

**I finally finished it!! Cause i got some hard core writers block there for a bit... Anyways Im going to attempt to answer some people's questions. **

**Ok, First of all, yes I did get the initial idea from the song 'Cant be Saved' by Senses Fail (I saw them last year and they were amazing :)) Hahaha. Granted that songs about some dude on drugs. But it just kind of came to me from there I guess. Now If you haven't heard the song, go look it up (Sick or Sane and Your Cute When You Scream are also worth cheaking out). **

**Second, I'm not gonna lie, this story is **_**Hard **_**to explain. What you have to understand is through out the entire thing, Natsuki is trying to figure out which reality is...well **_**reality. **_**Both feel or felt much to real to be fake. Now they say dreams last only a few seconds, but to an individual it can seem like hours, possibly even days. And sometimes when you wake up you initially wonder if it was real right? Alright now imagine if dreams lasted longer, like weeks on end. Would it seem like months, or maybe years have gone by in this dream? The thing with comas is that it can feel like you were asleep for a day, when you've actually been out for months. But what if during a coma you remained in one single dream? I know long and weird right? Hahaha, I know shitty and probably inaccurate but that's how I pictured it...**

**Third, Yes, Chapters are going to be longer! If I can help it :) Don't worry I'll try!**

**Thank you so much to everyone who gave there opinions of this crazy idea of mine! Reviews are what keeps me tied down to the computer in order to finish chapters, hehe. Ya, my friends get kind of pissed cause I won't answer the phone when I'm in writing mode :)**

**One more thing and it's kind of important. For a while, a good portion of the writting is going to be like a flash back, to the reality Natsuki remembers. Just like her thoughts, the memories are going to be written in **_ITALICSSSS. _**Ok thats it.**

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_Follow your bliss, it beats on my chest. I know I got it tattooed for a reason, why can't I just hold it true? Cause I'm still crashing all the funerals of these people that I never knew.**

* * *

** _

_There was so much snow that night. Shimmering silver-white flecks drifting slowly down to the earth below. The ground had been utterly covered in the light translucent ice crystals. Tall, looming trees shone an icy white and the sparse buildings around appeared brighter. Despite the obvious fact the small businesses had been closed for the night. Natsuki wondered briefly what time it was. She remembered departing from her apartment complex around midnight, maybe even one. Exhaling deeply, Natsuki let the thought drift from her mind. Time had become exceedingly unimportant. Emerald eyes followed the puff of air resembling smoke she had emitted as it slowly drifted towards the sky. Its particles began to scatter and it soon dissipated into nothing. The scenery had been beautiful. Though Natsuki would never admit it. She was still a little to hard headed for such pointless exclamations. _

_Gazing about in each direction, Natsuki analyzed the area. She stood in a deserted part of town, at the edge of a park. A long asphalt road wound around and back through the cluster of buildings, leading to what she presumed was a small cul-de-sac. Behind her, near the dead center of the park, she had seen an old play ground set. Rusty slides, swings, and all other assortments of childhood entertainment occupied the space. She remembered thinking of how dangerous the ancient equipment must have been and how if she ever had children they certainly wouldn't have been allowed any where near the place. _

'_Feh, children, what a joke.' Natsuki thought coldly. The chances of her having or wanting any kids grew less and less with each passing day._

_A gust of bone-chilling wind blew past Natsuki momentarily, causing the powdery snow to unsettle and whip against her clothing. Chill slowly set on the exterior of Natsuki's body. She shivered and absent-mindedly tugged the top layer hoodie closer. Her exact thought before she had left her home had been, 'Better dress in layers. It's god damn freezing out there.' She smiled slightly at her own intelligence. Looking back, intelligence probably wasn't the perfect word to describe going out at midnight in the dead of winter. _

_Tall street lamps created the only light and even then it was incredibly dim. The moon had been covered completely by the thick, grey clouds. Not a single star could be seen. Natsuki pulled her dark indigo hood down, further over her eyes. Stuffing her un-gloved hands into her pockets, Natsuki leant back against a wooden telephone pole. _

_Natsuki shut her eyes tightly and focused completely upon every slight sound. Attempting to see clearly had become some-what pointless due to the sudden flurry. Her heart began pounding loudly in her chest. Feelings of nervousness and excitement finally hit full force. What possessed Natsuki to decide that she had to see Shizuru at that very moment had been quite unapparent. Severe impulse perhaps? Natsuki never truly knew. _

_---_

_Earlier, during the night that would change Natsuki's life completely, Mai stopped by to have 'an urgent talk'. She had called some time before her arrival to assure Natsuki was at home. Normally Mai would show up at Natsuki's door step unexpectedly. The pair had become so close following the carnival that they would have periods of basically living at one another's homes. But recently Natsuki hadn't been around. On every occasion Mai came over, she would find the apartment empty. _

_When Mai finally questioned Natsuki's constant absence, she shrugged and attempted to switch the subject. Of course Mai's persistency concurred the emerald eyed girl's stubborn attitude. Natsuki dropped her gaze to the floor and muttered, almost inaudibly, "I've been… hanging out with Shizuru." Mai's expression had been one of surprise. _

"_So... you and Kaichou-san huh?"_

"_Well yeah, she and I are...close."_

"_Close?"_

"_Mai, Shizuru and I…Well, we were friends before the carnival. Hell, she was the only person I used to be able to call 'friend'."_

"_Oh Natsuki, that's cute. In fact, that's down right adorable!"_

"_Adorable?! What in the hell are you talking about?"_

"_Don't you two have a thing?"_

"_A thing? That's stupid…"_

_"So there's nothing going on between you?"_

_"Well I don't know Mai! You make it sound as though we've been fucking or something!" _

_Mai sort of turned blue following that statement. She never again asked why Natsuki wasn't home. Provided, she never stopped bugging Natsuki about her relationship with Shizuru. This always ended in a "Shut the fuck up Mai."_

_----_

_On that specific night Tokiha Mai burst through the mahogany door with a look of urgency on her face. Natsuki sat on the peach colored sofa located towards the living area's window. She had previously been watching TV, channel surfing for an hour or so. Sighing, the emerald eyed girl stood and briefly stretched her muscles. She opened her mouth to initiate there conversation, but Mai quickly cut her off. _

"_Natsuki! Something really big has happened and I- Well… um… how do I put this…?"_

"_God save the damn suspense!" Natsuki spat in an irritated tone, "Just spit it out!"_

"_Alright… So Tate-kun and I were meeting up downtown and- I did tell you that he and I are dating right?" Mai asked, pressing her index finger against her lip in the dramatic 'thinking pose'. _

_Natsuki smiled and strode towards her friend, "Only about a thousand times since Yuuichi asked."_

"_Right! I knew that… Anyway, we were on our way to see a movie when I… well, we, ran into Reito-kun and Kaichou-san."_

"_You saw Shizuru? And she was with Kanzaki?"_

"_Yeah, I know! It was strange to see them together out side of school… Then again, Reito had always hinted to me that they were actually pretty close." Mai shrugged._

"_So what's the 'incredible' couldn't possibly wait, news in that?!" She was gradually becoming frustrated. _

"_I'm getting to it Natsuki! You have to be patient with these things…" She was replied with a furious glare which, quite honestly, scared the hell out of her. "S-so like I was saying, we met up with them and of course Tate and Reito-kun were talking, ya know, 'catching up'. Well Fujino-san and I began talking and she… she said…"_

"_She said what?!" Natsuki fumed._

"_Natsuki… Kaichou-san said she received a big scholarship to attend some ritzy collage in the U.S…"_

"_Some collage…in the states…? But… she hasn't said a word to me about that!" She immediately refused to believe a word of it._

"_That's the thing Natsuki; it arrived a few days ago and… Natsuki… she is seriously considering it." Mai's gaze drifted towards the floor. She knew her friend couldn't survive with out Shizuru. Whether she had been willing to admit it or not. _

_--- _

_Everything happened so quickly after that. Natsuki told Mai she had somewhere to be and left her standing alone in the complexes parking lot. _

_Feeling frantic at the thought of loosing her most precious person, Natsuki decided she needed to sort out her feelings and convey them immediately to Shizuru. In actuality she had been attempting to distinguish what kind of love she possessed for the elder girl months prior. A day hadn't gone by since the carnival where the thought didn't cross her mind. Deep down Natsuki was scared to death and confused as hell when it came to 'love'. The only emotion she had to base it on were the feelings she held for her mother and of course Duran. But 'family' and 'friendship' love differ greatly from the romantic sort. Hell, Natsuki had only recently discovered what it was like to love and care for people she considered friends. But with Shizuru, well, she had always been the exception._

_Natsuki wandered around the city for hours, lost in a haze. Crowded sidewalks filled with bustling people all caught up in conversation or thoughts of there own, blaring car horns, revving engines, all sounds couldn't faze her. _

_Before long, and without realizing it, Natsuki arrived back home. She had come full circle in a matter of hours. During her walk, she managed to decide upon two things; regardless of how she felt, she needed Shizuru, and that no matter what, she couldn't let her go. _

_As she climbed the rickety wooden stair-case leading to her room, Natsuki grit her teeth, "Why am I so fucking selfish…?" Her words were mumbled against the cold night air. _

_Once inside Natsuki went straight for the phone she had previously abandoned on the counter top. Flipping it open, Natsuki held down the '1' key for several seconds until she heard the crackling ring break the dial tone. Shizuru always had been and always would be the first on her speed dial… _

"_Ara, ara! If it isn't my little Natsuki," Shizuru giggled lightly. The familiar Kyoto-ben made Natsuki infinitely happy. _

_Blushing slightly, the younger girl took a deep breath, "Shizuru…There's something I really need to talk to you about."_

"_Hmm, and what might that be?" her voice held apparent confusion._

"_Well god Shizuru! Were you planning on telling me you might be leaving or did you intend to save it until ten minutes before you boarded the plane?!" Natsuki hadn't intended to let so much anger leak through, but she couldn't hold it in. _

"_Oh…so Mai-san told you?" she asked bleakly. _

"_Yeah, she did…" Natsuki muttered, "Couldn't you have at least called me?" _

_There was a moment of silence before Shizuru spoke, "Kannin na, Natsuki…I was going to tell you, but…"_

"_What?" _

"_Actually, I didn't want you to be upset," she admitted slowly, "it seems I have failed miserably at that."_

_Natsuki had been pacing the floor of her living room and came to a halt at the words, "Shizuru…I…need to see you."_

"_You're so cute sometimes, my Natsuki."_

_Her cheeks flamed, but she ignored it, "Seriously Shizuru. I know its way late, but would you meet me somewhere?" _

"_Of course I will. Anywhere you want to…" _

_Natsuki smiled, "How about that park near your place? That way you don't have to go too far in this weather."_

"_Ookini Natsuki…I'll meet you there soon ok?"_

"_Ok, I'll see you then."_

_---_

_Footsteps echoed across the side-walk leading to the park. Natsuki looked up from underneath her hood as soon as she heard it. Shaking her head slightly in order to remove the light pile of snow that had gathered atop the fabric, Natsuki stepped forward. As the figure neared, Natsuki immediately recognized her friend's form. Taking a moment to breath, she met Shizuru half way. _

_Emerald met crimson and the elder girl smiled. "So what did you need to tell me in person Natsu-"_

_Shizuru had been cut off as Natsuki pulled her into an embrace. After being frozen momentarily from the surprise, Shizuru returned the hug, wrapping her arms around Natsuki's slim waste. They stood that way for quite a while, as neither really wanted to move. _

_Finally Natsuki ran her hand down to Shizuru's shoulder from its previous position at her back. Pushing back slightly, they separated. Oddly, Natsuki found herself severely missing the warmth. _

_There eyes locked and Natsuki absent-mindedly began running her thumb across Shizuru's bicep. Glancing down, she stared at the elder girl's attire. She wore a tan, wool jacket with four large buttons holding it together positioned near the left side. She had also been wearing tight, dark blue jeans. Something Natsuki rarely saw her in. _

"_Are you ok…Natsuki?" Shizuru asked quietly._

"_I'm fine…Just…worried is all."_

"_Why worried?"_

_Smiling sadly Natsuki brought her opposite hand to Shizuru's right shoulder, "Do you want to study in America?" _

_Crimson widened in surprise, "It-It would be a smart move to take regarding my education…but…"_

"_I know it's selfish, but I don't want you to go, Shizuru." _

_It took a lot to make the elder girl blush and Natsuki had rarely seen it. But red tinted her cheeks and her eyes momentarily fell to the snow covered ground. _

"_Is Natsuki asking me to stay…?"_

_Swallowing all of her idiotic, pretentious pride, the sapphire haired girl nodded._

"_I need you to stay."_

_Shizuru smiled weakly as tears began to spill down her cheeks. Deep fear consumed Natsuki at the sight. Maybe she had already decided to go. Refusing to believe that, she held her friend tightly once again. _

"_I'm sorry Shizuru…"_

"_Don't be," she began, "For you, my Natsuki, I will stay."

* * *

_

"Tanaka-san, you need to wake up!" the doctor's deep voice shattered Natsuki's heart as she slowly opened her eyes.

_I-I'm still here!?_

"For the last time, it's KUGA!" she growled, sitting up from the white hospital bed. The doctor sighed and ran a hand through his short brown hair. He held a thin, wooden clip-board, which he began scribbling notes on the attached paper. The fact that this random man stood there, writing who the hell knows what severely pissed her off. Probably about her 'behavioral' issues.

_Jackass. _

"So I take it you remember waking up here the first time? He asks, trying to sound polite.

"Yep, I do. Now maybe you can go ahead and tell me where in the hell I am?!" Natsuki barked angrily.

"You are at the Miyagino Hospital in Sendai Japan," he answers, nodding his head towards the window.

"Sendai?" Natsuki repeats, her thought processes beginning to fail. _How could I have possibly ended up in Sendai?_

Standing slowly, her legs seeming to tremble as though she hadn't walked in quite some time, Natsuki stepped forward to face the open window. Buildings, parking lots, and cars as far as the eyes could see. Her jaw dropped. This city was enormous! _God…and I thought Fuuka was big…_

"Does any of this ring a bell to you, Natsuki-san?" he stopped realizing his mistake. "Do you mind if I call you Natsuki?" He asked quickly.

The emerald eyed woman shrugged, "Whatever. I could care less." Natsuki's gaze was still locked on the bustling city below them. "And no, this doesn't bring up a thing."

"Well then Natsuki-san, I'm going to pre-diagnose you with Traumatic Amnesia." He states, putting his hand on her shoulder, "This is brought on by an injury to the head."

"Injury to the head? You know I've been here for a while now and no one has told me why!" she spat.

The doctor put a fist to his chin, thinking of how he would describe her initial accident. "Well Natsuki-san, about four months ago you were in a pretty sever car crash. A van hit the side of your vehicle and I believe they said it sent you both off the road."

_Me? Driving a car? This has got to be a dream._

"That right?" Natsuki rolled her eyes.

"You don't believe a word I'm saying do you?" he asked incredulously.

"Nope."

"Then what do you think happened Natsuki-san…?"

"This is just a fucked up dream."

"A-a dream?" His hazel eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah, cause there is no way this could be real."

"Now, why do you think that? Do you… have any memories what so ever?"

"Yes, I do actually!"

"And what do you remem-" he stopped and exhaled deeply, "Unfortunately, psychiatry isn't my field…"

"Uh huh."

He pressed his thin rimmed glasses back up the ridge of his nose. They seemed to have slipped during his little 'barrage' of questions. It was then he decided to get back on task.

"We will have to run some tests to see if you also posses what is known as Retrograde or Anterograde." Natsuki gave him a blank stare. "These types of amnesia entail damage to the brain permanently, such as being unable to store short term memory into long term." He began to elaborate.

Natsuki snorted indignantly and swatted his hand away from her shoulder, "Do what ever the hell you see fit for now! This is all some crazy ass dream!" With that Natsuki turned her back on the man, her arms locked in front of her chest.

The young doctor was at a loss for words so he nodded, more to himself then to Natsuki, and made his way back to the doorway.

Once he had left the disgustingly white room, she sighed angrily and strode towards the tall mirror placed against the wall. Natsuki stood stock still and assessed her appearance once again.

This time she began to shake, uncontrollably. Fear spread through Natsuki's entire body, leaving her feeling numb. Before she realized it, tears fell from her emerald eyes and she let out a low sob.

The thought of all of her memories being nothing more then an elaborate dream made her sick. She refused to believe any of that doctors lies.

_But…why? Why then, does this feel so fucking real!! _

_

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_

**My lord that took for ever! Oh and Im sorry about all the "bad" language... I kind of have a cussing problem...**

**Alright! Next chapter Natsuki meets up with some of her closest friends... and of coarse they have no idea who in the hell she is! Haha, my I love angst :)**

**Flyleaf799**


	3. Sting

**Thats right, I finally finished chapter 3!!! And I am soo sorry it took this long to get done! **

**So I pretty much hate/love how this chapter came out. I realize I ended up rambling, but I was far to lazy to re-write it X/ **

**Well I was told longer chapters so thats what I supplied! Haha...**

**Anyways, here it is, chapter three :)**

**Once again flashbacks/memories are in **_ITALICS_

**Edit 3/5: Thank you to 0xnaomix0 for catching my lame mistakes :D**

**Oh and one more thing a special thankyou to Edge-keen blade, whose review kicked my ass into writing mode :) And of course everyone else who took the time to give there opinion! It is much appreciated!**

* * *

_I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never ending sleep. _

_And some day I will wake up and realize I made up, everything._

* * *

"_Admit it then!"_

"_Admit what?"_

"_Come on Natsuki you know damn well-"_

_Yuuki Nao was stopped mid-sentence with a quick jab to the side from Suguira Midori. Lime eyes rolled and the older woman continued gathering papers she needed to grade. For one reason or another, Midori had been finding stacks of assignments and mid-terms in the most random places. Natsuki fought the urge to question her. But as Midori rounded the corner into the kitchen and discovered some lying under a larger bottle of bourbon, she knew better. Natsuki didn't even want to know, though she could easily guess. A small grin light her features as the image of Midori's intoxicated attempts to grade crossed her mind. _

'_Suguira-san, why does my essay have paragraphs crossed out and the lyrics to 'Don't Stop Believing' by Journey written in?'_

_Natsuki's jade eyes fell back to Nao, who had been quite literally steaming after being poked. It confused Natsuki to no end as to why these two decided rooming together had been a good idea. All they ever did was manage to piss the other off. 'Well they say red heads have a fiery temper…fuck. If that's not an understatement…'_

"_Damn it Suguira! Its twenty-four/seven with you isn't it?!"_

"_Hmm… I'm afraid I don't quite follow Nao-chan…" Midori's tone was static and dull. She didn't bother looking up while answering the pointless question._

"_Fine then. If you two are gonna stand around and deny everything that's blatantly obvious, I'm gone." Nao huffed, her voice taking on the tone of a taunted bear, held captive in the Zoo. _

_One thing Natsuki had learned through out her recent friendship with the younger girl was that when she threatened to leave, she meant it. _

_So with an indignant snort, Nao stormed out of the room. Natsuki listened carefully to each stomp as Nao made her way down the staircase, leading to the lobby. For a brief moment, neither woman spoke. Midori aimlessly organized paper and documents, while Natsuki stood, oddly transfixed and lost in thought. 'I wonder what she'll say when she finds out…' Her heart sunk._

"_So Natsuki-chan, when do you plan on informing us?" Once again, the teacher kept her eyes fixed upon her work. _

_The words broke Natsuki's small trance and she shuffled uncomfortably. She had come in order to break the news to her friend, but as expected, she wasn't going to take it well. Both women knew it all to well. _

_Realizing the younger girl hadn't said a word, and probably didn't intend to, Midori stood slowly. She sighed softly and turned to meet Natsuki's gaze. _

"_You're going to have to tell her sooner or later. If you keep beating around the bush like this, she'll find out on her own and then…" She stopped, feeling the last bit required no explanation._

"_Midori, you and I both know she hates her. What the hell do you expect her to do when she puts everything together?" Her voice held irritation she hadn't meant to slip out._

"_But you heard her. She's probably figured it out."_

"_You're right…"_

"_How are things between you two anyway?"_

"_Things are…progressing. To say the least."_

"_Progressing?"_

"_Well… I haven't exactly…formally…"_

"_Really?! And why not?"_

"_I-it's a delicate thing Midori! I don't want to just break down her door screaming 'I was wrong, forgive me'!" _

"_Heh, I think that would be cute…"_

_Natsuki snarled, "Cute?! Why in the hell does it always have to be 'cute'? Mai said the same damn thing…"_

"_Then I think that should tell you something Natsu-chan!"_

"_Don't call me that."_

"_Fine, fine. I'll stop. So how are you going to do it?"_

"_Do what?"_

"_You know damn well- Shit, I'm starting to sound like Nao!"_

_She laughed, "That's what you get for living with her!"_

"_Forget it. Just answer the question."_

"_I'm not sure…honestly. All I've come up with is I want it to be perfect for her… I owe her that much…"_

_This caused Midori to produce a grin, showing off all of her teeth. It was funny how open Natsuki was beginning to become. When they first met, Natsuki probably wouldn't have told Midori what her middle name was, had she asked. Now she was getting all sappy and adorable with her? What a change…_

"_You should wait until it rains…"_

"_Huh?"_

"_And buy flowers…"_

"_W-What are you-?"_

"_Candles would work nicely too…"_

"_Seriously Midori-!"_

"_Just be romantic Natsuki! It's not all that hard."_

"_I'm not all that good at it…"_

_The elder girl giggled lightly and tapped Natsuki's shoulder, leaning in close to her face. She smirked at the incredulous expression her emerald eyed friend wore. Then with an over-dramatic sweep of the hand, Midori pointed towards the door. Natsuki inwardly sighed, realizing she was in her 'HiME of Justice' stance. _

"_Do what your heart tells you Natsuki-chan! It won't lead you wrong!"_

"_Thanks for the uplifting speech Midori. I think I'll be going now…"_

"_Just listen for once in your life Natsuki!"_

_The harshness in her tone caught the younger girl off-guard. She jumped slightly and tuned around to face Midori. With the most solemn look Natsuki had seen on her face since the carnival, Midori placed a hand on her for-arm. Her brows were arched and lime eyes appeared to gleam in the light. It was odd; she actually looked like an adult when she did that. _

"_Midori…"_

_Her former teacher grinned, "You don't do this right and I guarantee you will regret it!" _

_Natsuki sighed and mirrored the smile. She really didn't enjoy admitting it, but Midori was right. She had figured that one out just recently. _

"_I know I would Midori," She nodded her head slowly; "I've got to get going ok."_

_Midori nudged her towards the door, "Off to see who I think you are Natsu-chan?"_

_The younger girl felt a twitch coming on and stopped herself. She exhaled, deciding to give her this one. "How'd you guess?"_

_Midori smirked as she dismissed Natsuki, flicking her wrist back towards the exit. She turned away from the viridian eyed girl, returning to the papers stacked messily atop her desk. "Heh, have fun, puppy," she said with a mischievous tone. _

_-------_

_6__th__ floor_

_Room: 218_

_Natsuki gazed up at the crude metallic sign bolted to the door. She had been making this trip for quite a while now. Her dark eyes shifted across the vacant hallway, a feeling of apprehension swelling in her stomach. Sparse decoration hung here and there, attempting a more 'classy' feel. Ancient looking paintings filled a few spaces between rooms. All an assortment of frivolous scenery. The carpeting a dull grey, flecked with an odd array of colors. _

_Somewhere in the distance a vacuum roared and someone's stereo blasted its music. 'God, at least play something good if your gonna turn it up so damn loud!' _

_Quickly rummaging through her pockets, Natsuki slid out the key. Much to Haruka's…well, anger, Shizuru had given her a copy back when they first moved in. Natsuki remembered how against it, Haruka had been. She retorted by bestowing a key to Yukino. Shizuru had only smiled and asked her if that was punishment. Because she enjoyed Yukino's company. _

_Natsuki's cheeks tinted a light pink at the memory. She loved Shizuru's teasing smile. _

_Sighing wistfully, Natsuki finally reached for the knob. She paused before turning it, her heart beginning to pound. Placing a hand to her forehead, she took a deep breath. Upon seeing the woman inside, Natsuki wanted to remain the good old; calm, cool, and collected. She inwardly laughed at her own idiocy. 'I hate clichés…'_

_A small grin etched itself against her features as she relaxed. Inhaling once more, Natsuki twisted the gold colored handle, hearing a soft 'click' as it opened. Pressing forward with one hand, she stepped inside the room. _

_Shizuru's scent filled her senses and she blushed lightly at the feeling it caused in her. _

"_Kuga!"_

_Natsuki nearly leapt out of her skin._

"_What are you doing, just waltzing in here like this!?"_

_Rolling her emerald eyes Natsuki turned to face the former head of the executive committee, "I came to see Shizuru, is she around?"_

_Haruka huffed indignantly and pointed to the back room. Then, with out a second glance at Natsuki, she walked out the door. 'Why in the hell Shizuru puts up with her, I'll never know…'_

_All was silent except the soft thud of her footfalls. Natsuki made her way through the narrow hallway connecting the kitchen to Shizuru and Haruka's bedrooms. 'These dorms are so much nicer than ours back at Fuuka…' she thought with a little envy. Natsuki smiled, remembering the day she had helped them move in. That had been about three weeks after Natsuki convinced Shizuru to stay… _

"_Hey Shizuru, um, can I come in?" she asked, tapping on the door lightly. In a moment it slowly swung open and her friend stood smiling back at her. Natsuki opened her mouth to speak, but was quickly cut off as Shizuru wrapped her arms around her. Natsuki's breath hitched at the initial contact. Shizuru chuckled quietly and nuzzled her head against the younger girl's neck. Her cheeks flushed a dark scarlet as she returned the embrace. _

"_How is my Natsuki today?" She asked, her breath hot against Natsuki's shoulder. _

"_I-I'm really…good," she began, a little shakily, "especially…especially now that I'm here." _

_Shizuru slid back to where she only held Natsuki's hands and gazed deeply into her timid eyes. "You're sweet, honestly you are."_

_Natsuki let out a deep breath, realizing she had been holding it in for a while. "I think that's only for you," she laughed. A majority of the student body at Fuuka were still terrified of her. _

_At this point, Shizuru's mask was completely gone. It was replaced with her true smile. The one saved only for Natsuki. _

"_Shizuru…" she whispered, pulling her closer and sliding her hands up Shizuru's forearms. The older girl let out a soft, almost inaudible, gasp. Natsuki, ignoring the slamming beat of her heart, lifted Shizuru's chin with one hand and held her hip with the other. _

"_Natsuki, what are you…?" she stammered. Her crimson eyes were locked with emerald, never wavering. Natsuki ran her thumb across Shizuru's cheek repeatedly. _

'_Don't know exactly what brought this on…but…it's now or never so…'_

_Shizuru's breath was becoming ragged and her blush the darkest Natsuki had ever seen. Bringing the other hand up slowly to cup her opposite cheek, she pressed forward, leaning her forehead against Shizuru's. They were so painfully close…_

"…_Ikezu…" Shizuru barely managed to breath._

_Natsuki chuckled, never moving, "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. Were you expecting something…?"_

_Shizuru tensed and shook her head. Before Natsuki knew it, tears spilled down the elder girl's cheek. "Please Natsuki…don't tease me like this…" Her shoulders trembled with each silent sob._

"_Shizuru, I-I didn't mean it like that!" Natsuki's words tumbled out of her mouth quickly, "I'm so sorry…"_

'_Well this is it…'_

_Natsuki leaned in, capturing her friend's lips slowly. Shizuru jumped slightly, but her hands soon found Natsuki's shoulders. _

_They stood that way, completely still, for a few moments. Then Natsuki pulled back, her body shivering. 'To bad I have no fucking idea what I'm doing! Why do I have to suck so badly at this?!'_

_As though Shizuru read the emerald eyed girl's mind, she smiled tearfully and kissed her again. This time Natsuki wrapped her arms around Shizuru's neck. _

'_I guess I'll always have you to show me, huh Shizuru?'_

_

* * *

_

"So where exactly are we?" Natsuki growled as a new doctor lead her down a hallway. He glanced back, almost timidly, and coughed, "Th-This is our psychiatric ward."

"What the hells that supposed to mean?!" Natsuki stopped and glared at the younger man, "What?! Are you taking me to the fucking crazy bin?!"

His hazel eyes widened in shock at her out burst. He had heard she was extremely angry about her situation, but damn! This woman was terrifying! He had dealt with huge biker men that possessed more cooperative attitudes.

"N-now Tanaka-san! It's nothing of the sort! We want to try some therapy in order to regain your memories!"

Natsuki had been confined in this hospital for nearly four days. She was beginning to 'lose her composure' to say the least. Each day the annoying, whining man would visit, brining along her supposed runts. By visiting hours end everyone in the room would be sobbing but Natsuki. Because of course she was still blissfully in denial. 'This is the worst and by far longest, dream I've ever had!' Nothing could waiver her conclusion.

"There are no memories to regain! How many times to I have to keep telling you idiots?"

Before the shrimpy doctor could supply a decent come back, the thick metallic doors before them swung open. Natsuki straightened her posture, which for some reason was somewhat irritating. 'Damn this old spine!'

A towering, muscular man stepped forward from the confines of the room. His features held a weariness Natsuki had never seen. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why, but she pitied this man.

"Are you Tanaka Natsuki?" the large man questioned, his tone much softer than she would have expected.

"I guess," she muttered, her gaze at the floor.

He sighed sadly, "Then come with me."

Emerald eyes narrowed and she looked up at him, "What ever you say." Her reply was bitter, but the man hardly seemed to notice, or care.

"Thank you Satou-san," the pale doctor bowed his head towards the other man.

The heavier-set man turned partway back to meet his eyes and sighed, "It is nothing Ono-san."

He continued to make his way down the long hallway, past the doors. Natsuki scowled, but followed slowly behind him.

'I feel like I missed something back there…'

* * *

"Go ahead and lie down, Tanaka-san," a decrepitly, old therapist instructed, motioning towards a long maroon piece of furniture centered near the window. 

"Okay," Natsuki shrugged, tossing her body down and leaning back against its head piece.

"Alright, now tell me about yourself," he began, his voice filled with fake sincerity.

"Sure, I am going to go ahead and get this out of the way then," she began, reusing to look at the old man, "This isn't real."

Had she been looking, Natsuki would have seen the utter confusion leak in from the therapist's set mask. Quickly pulling himself together, the man leant closer to Natsuki, appearing to be 'drawn in' by her statement.

"You believe that this is some sort of alternate reality then?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"I do."

"Why is that?"

Natsuki grit her teeth, she already despised this man, "Because I have a full set of memories that have nothing to do with this."

His dark brown eyes widened, "Please continue."

She whipped around to look at him, "What do you expect me to say?!"

The old man seemed apprehensive, but spoke with confidence, "If we are ever gong to figure this out, Tanaka-san, I need you to be specific."

"'We'?! I don't need you," she spat.

He seemed to be ignoring Natsuki's aggression, as he continued, "Tell me, what you remember of the crash that lead to your coma?"

"Nothing."

"Then," he inhaled, "What is the last thing you remember doing before waking up in this hospital?"

The question stung profusely.

"I…" she trailed off.

"Go on Tanaka-san."

"I was with some one important to me, ok?" she answered spitefully and stood.

"Is this as long as you will let our session for today go Natsuki?"

It was then Natsuki realized something she had overlooked until that moment. Her heart stopped mid beat and she froze, staring at him.

'He…has a Kyoto-ben…'

With out another word, Natsuki left the elderly man standing in bewilderment.

-----

'Why did hearing him say my name hurt so much?!' Natsuki's mind screamed.

She had been wandering around the ward's halls aimlessly for sometime after the incident. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't forget it. Something deep inside her stung and she couldn't shake the feeling. Nor could she understand it.

Natsuki passed a pitch dark room with a flickering white light emanating from the center. She absentmindedly heard the faint cackle of a pre-recorded audience. She stopped, and slowly back tracked towards the sounds. Something about it drew her in.

As she stepped into the partly walled room with no doorway she saw the thin figure of a woman sitting with her legs crossed on a hardwood chair.

Natsuki felt panic sweep her insides for no reason. Her heart was racing with every step she took.

The woman appeared young, judging from what Natsuki could see. She was the only one in this room though and the silence beside the T.V frightened her.

Stopping briefly she studied her surroundings. The room was littered with children's playthings, newspapers, magazines, and all other assortments of small entertainment. A pool table was positioned near the back and chairs were scattered across the room. One small window let a few beams of moonlight show through. 'I guess this is were they keep them preoccupied...'

Natsuki turned back towards the woman, feeling a dire need to see her.

The television's sound died around Natsuki once she stepped in front of the glowing old box.

Her heart stopped and fear rushed through her veins.

Gazing up at her with the sunken violet eyes and living dead expression of a woman who had survived tragedy was none other than Tokiha Mai.

* * *

**Rawr.**

**Tried to get this finished by the 3rd, but I failed :(**

**Why? Haha, it's my birthday :P**

**-Flyleaf799**


	4. Preview

**I don't think I could possibly make it up for taking this long to update, but I am sorry. I sort of lost interst in the show and I honestly haven't watched it in a very long time so just a warning that from now on the characters are going to be pretty OOC; at least until I catch back up.**

**This is just a preview to chapter 4, the rest will be posted tomorrow night.**

* * *

_I shut the door and turn all the lights out  
And listen to all the songs that the night shouts  
They go something just like this_

* * *

"Mai…?" Natsuki nearly choked on her own breath.

The woman sitting before her couldn't have been the cheerful, optimistic girl Natsuki knew. But the resemblance was striking…

Mai's once short, orange hair was longer, near shoulder length and stringy. Her face was pale with dark rings under her eyes. Eyes that once held light, now appeared dull and listless. Her expression was blank and empty.

Upon hearing her name, Mai slowly uncrossed her legs and stood. She was shorter than Natsuki remembered, coming to about her chin. Natsuki stumbled back. She felt dizzy, the world a complete blur around her.

Suddenly Mai's expression narrowed, forming an angry scowl to her lips. It was a look Natsuki had only seen during the Carnival.

"Who the fuck are you?" her voice was dry and cracked. It sounded as though she hadn't spoken for days.

Natsuki was at a loss. Her mind was aching in her attempt to sort reality from delusion; the sight of her friend throwing her off entirely. If anything, this moment made her ponder the actual intricacy of this bizarre dream to a further extent. But a dream is a dream and possesses its own strange correlations, so the concept of Mai's appearance didn't seem so unthinkable.

But her real apprehension arose from the _way _her mind seemed to be portraying Mai. How was it that she could even minutely relate her to some psycho in a ward? Natsuki sighed; she obviously had issues, and a very muddled subconscious.

"Natsuki," she said slowly as she began to feel the calm returning to her body.

Mai's glare only intensified and Natsuki silently wondered if she could feel the pain of an imaginary smack down.

"You think that's supposed to mean anything to me?"

Natsuki shrugged, suppressing the urge to laugh, "Not right now, I suppose."

"The hell do you mean by that?" She barked, putting a menacing foot forward.

The fact that Mai was actually talking like bothered the dark haired girl to an odd extent. It was just something she never expected to have to put up with. In a way, Mai sounded like Natsuki. The demanding, the anger – it was all there.

"Nothing," she sighed, "Just forget about it."

In that moment, Mai's eyes appeared to lose some of the initial animosity and she moved a few paces backward. Now her aged expression held confusion and, curiosity?

"So then what brings you here, Natsuki?" Mai smirked, an action barely visible in the room's overwhelming dark.

"Well, no one seems to believe that this entire reality is a figment of my warped imagination," Mai's brow shot to her hairline, "I'm guessing your not quite buying it either."

Mai pinched the bridge of her nose, her gaze aimed at the faded carpet, "That _does_ sound slightly crazy."

Natsuki shrugged, an action she had really grown accustomed to here, and smiled sarcastically, "That's what they keep telling me."

Mai nodded and fell back into the seat she had previously occupied, her eyes begging to glaze over in thought. Natsuki stood silently, watching this woman who so resembled her young friend, and mulled her questions over.

"So, why are you here?" Even if this wasn't real, she was curious.

Mai's sunken eyes lifted slightly, "I'm self destructive."

Natsuki's jaw hung open and she mentally slapped her sub-conscience for even dreaming this. How was she supposed to answer that?

"W-what, well, what I mean is-"

"A year ago, my husband was shot during an attempted bank robbery," Natsuki frowned, allowing the sense of pity to wash over her, "He didn't even have time to realize what was going on before it happened. He…he had been there, for me. I'd, asked him to go…"

She blamed herself for his death. Natsuki _really _hated her mind.

"After it happened, I just, couldn't let go. I tried to commit suicide – leapt off this big ass bridge, but, by some fucking miracle, I lived."

"So they sent you here," Natsuki finished slowly, unable to look her in the eye.

With out a word, Mai stood and breezed past her, not even a glance shared between them. As she entered the hallway, Natsuki turned, her ears in tune with each faded footstep.

Before she had gone completely out of sight, Mai stopped, "Life is unfair in every sense, Natsuki. But believe me – this in anything but a warped fairytale. This is reality, no matter how deeply we wish it away."

Natsuki's emerald eyes shot up, but Mai Tokiha had already gone.


End file.
